k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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