why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
