Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
