Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
