1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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