he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
