I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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