i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
