I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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