If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
