His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She is in my trunk
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
