Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
