We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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