jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
