Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
