i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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