This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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