we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
