It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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