haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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