listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
