WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
