its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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