I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
