I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
