you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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