My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
