Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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