I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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