sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
