i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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