Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
