Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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