I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
is wine microwaveable?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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