omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
