last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
