it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
