Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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