Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
