drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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