There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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