dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
