I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
