I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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