and you said cock pushups were impossible
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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