My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
