There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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