He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
