I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
