Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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