when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
