Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
